About Us

*PLEASE NOTE:

Rick & Monique Are Your Counseling Team

Welcome! We are Real Connections Counseling, LLC. Our names are Rick & Monique Elgersma, and we are Couples and Family Therapists working primarily in the Greater Des Moines, IA area. Our practice is located smack in the heart of Urbandale, IA and we also have a branch in Winterset!

We focus our work for couples. We work through and past whatever hurts and harms your relationship such as transitions, trouble, anxiety, depression, anger, infidelity, infertility, loss, communication issues, and/or confusion. We also help couples to start their relationship off right with a solid marriage prep program! Our work is to help clients give themselves their best opportunity to grow their lives into something amazing, beautiful, and flourishing. Make your best relationship happen here!

PLEASE NOTE that we do not take insurance. But we do accept various modes of payment including your HSA and FSA, cash, check, and all credit cards. More details below!

We Love Our Work – Co-Therapy!

Our life as counseling partners is also our life’s work. We bring our own unique personalities and approaches to counseling that actually becomes a unique asset to our couples and families.

However, the true GEM of Real Connections Counseling is that we work together as co-therapists with you, and the results have been significantly successful! We are trained therapists, AND a married couple that does couples counseling – together – with another couple.

Our couples have thoroughly enjoyed the experience of working with another couple who brings their own relationship right with them into the counseling room. We began our co-therapy model already in graduate school (Regis University), and just never stopped counseling together.

Read more about co-therapy and how having both of us with you during our time in counseling can help you! Co-Therapy

What Makes Real Connections Counseling Special?

Our Co-Therapy model already makes us unique and special anywhere in the state and most of the country. However, we also have had many experiences that help us be a solid place for couples to work through the tough stuff. Together we have walked through the darkest trials, from infertility to miscarriage, major depression, significant losses, deaths of people close to us, adoption struggles, and a spouse’s disability.

Rick’s life as a husband and experience with Spina Bifida, an often deadly or crippling birth defect, has been one of both travesty and triumph that has him walking tall, but also while struggling daily with pain. Monique navigates multiple relational roles in our home, including spouse, mother, and caregiver to her husband. Some of you know what that’s like.

Monique’s childhood growing up in the military has provided a unique history of frequent moves, loss, varied cultures, and independence. Her experience taught her how to quickly adapt to new situations and connect easily with many people, but also can result in loneliness. Some of you know what that’s like as well.

We practice our relationship daily. We’d like to claim that practice always goes well, but it doesn’t. So we’ve also used marriage therapy to help make us better too. You can be better together! Let us help you figure that out together. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it can make a beautiful relationship!

Our Approach

Sometimes we use differing approaches in the counseling room, but that doesn’t mean we’re out of sync. We plan our unique approaches into the session so you get the best of who we are as people, a couple, and your counselors. We do whatever is necessary together to help our couples feel heard, understood, respected, to achieve goals, and heal. Our focus of relational therapy does not differ. As a couple, and couples counselors, we counsel “relational living.”

Relational living is recognizing that people exist better, and more healthy, as part of relationships. We recognize that all people desire good relationships in many environments: from church committees, to community involvement, work situations, and life at home. When you give dedicated attention to healthy relationships, you make your surrounding environment better, too.

Our work and background includes working with couples and families in mentoring and counseling, but we use a variety of impactful therapeutic models, such as Relational Life Therapy, Gottman, Narrative, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Solution Focused, and conflict resolution techniques.

Education and counseling in session along with the opportunity to practice in a safe environment, tied together with homework that you can practice between sessions, helps reinforce new skills and create long-term success.

Real Connections Counseling also offers individual therapy, family therapy, half-day and all-day seminars, topical groups, and marriage intensives and retreats.

Our Heart Meets Your Story

Here’s a short story about us. When I (Rick) was recovering from one of fourteen difficult surgeries, I told Monique – while still using a walker – that I wanted to ride and finish RAGBRAI (Register’s Annual Bike Ride Across Iowa), a ride of seven days, and hundreds of miles, together with her … and the event was only months away. Impossible right?

We trained and practiced. I worked on healing and becoming an athlete. We worked out 5 days a week and rode our bikes several days of the week as well. One training ride took us to a long, stretching 3-mile hill. We pushed, huffing and puffing up the hill. But Monique stopped a little more than halfway up, completely worn, and dejected. Monique turned to me, downhearted and crying. I admit, I was feeling determined, but scared too. She told me emphatically, “We must be crazy, I don’t know if I can do it. You just go on up ahead.” Something triggered in me. A determination I hadn’t yet felt until then. I looked at her firmly and said, “Yes we can. We’ll make it. I’m with you. Together or not at all.” And that is how we rode. There’s no better inspiration than to be by the side of the one you love.

Our phrase, “together or not at all”, has become our life-motto, and it can also be yours. Takes some grit maybe. Wit and determination too.

We spurred each other on, and trained hard. One day we realized that we looked forward to the cycling event. I gained strength to walk and to ride! Here’s the point. Our very first training ride took us 3.4 miles. But on one of the seven days of RAGBRAI, the ride lasted 107.6 miles! Can you see what’s possible with your relationship if you’d only practice?

We had done it together. What’s possible for you? That question is answered through counseling, and counseling with the both of us!

Now you know our heart.

Call Or Write, Now!

Call us at 515-635-1805 to make your first co-therapy appointment with us! You can also fill out the email form through the website to ask us anything. Get in touch with Real Connections Counseling.

You can also make an appointment from right where you are too. Click the little yellow calendar icon to the right of the screen (or in the dropdown menu of a mobile device) and you’ll easily move through the process. Select the “Initial Session” option and you will pay for the first session upfront, but going forward you can get a cash discount for future sessions! Please note: Due to our Co-therapy model, we are “private pay” only and do not bill/take Insurance. 

We guarantee that the emotional and financial costs of a bad relationship and divorce are much, much higher than the price of rebuilding or repairing your relationship through counseling, especially co-therapy! We also guarantee that counseling is a mutual opportunity for growth. We look forward to meeting you!

What Clients Have Said About Us

#1: “The cards were fun! We’d hang out on our back deck gas fire pit after the kids went to bed, and talk. Our oldest said ‘mom these people you and dad are seeing must be doing something because you haven’t had a fight in a while….its been nice.’ It has been.” – D. B. –

#2: “Thank you for what you’re doing for my family. We can finally see who we can be for each other. This has been so great for us!” – Anonymous –

#3: “Everyone needs a Rick & Monique in their lives!” – Lisa & Derek –

Real Connections Counseling Counselors & Therapists

Rick Elgersma, MAMFT, M. Litt

Just Plain Tired

Sometimes life is not ok. Monique and I have been challenged by significant trauma, and it was exhausting. Tough things are almost always tiring, and can make you feel stuck, frustrated, angry, worried, sad, even despaired. Your marriage and relationship has been damaged, you guys have fought through depression, terrible loss, or infidelity and I’m so sorry you’ve been hit with such things. You may think there isn’t a way out. But that’s not true.

Healing takes hard work, but it can happen. But what does healing even look like? That’s an often a confusing question. But when it feels like your relationship has gone from bad to worse, and you don’t feel understood anymore, seeing a counselor may be the most important decision of your life. I want you to know you are not the problem, the problem is the problem. Doesn’t always feel like it, I know. But it’s a good place to start because behind problems are good people. I’m blessed to work with couples, and am honored to do this with my bride Monique in a our unique co-therapy system at Real Connections Counseling. I’m honored to get to be part of you for awhile. Know this. You’ve got this.

My Work & Experience

Along with the other therapy methods mentioned on our “Services” page I use narrative therapy with couples (and families), where we experience your relational story as it is and reimagine the potential of your story. I’ve also gained experience with couples and families while working at an an acute mental health hospital.

I’m a Christian. Both Monique and I are, and we love faith that convinces us of the truth of God and the joy of salvation. Some of you don’t share our faith, and that’s just fine. But others do. And when you have faith, doubt, belief, or grief questions, we’ll be right there with you as answers are sought and gained. My family has experienced faith-bending trauma and we coped together, and with individual uniqueness… and we’re stronger for it. I have a heart for those struggling with loss and depression, and will work with some individuals that find themselves needing someone to walk through those tough places.

Your relational health is my passion. Good relationships can emerge from rough situations. Counseling works. Monique and I have seen couple after couple emerge from our office in much better places. We know counseling works. In fact, counseling can save your relational lives. Come and see.

Monique Elgersma, MAMFT

Just Plain Stuck

If you feel like you are stuck in a cycle, especially in your couple relationship, let us help you break it and develop a closer, healthier connection! I have a background in military families, culture adaptation, anxiety, grief & loss, foster care, adoption, infertility, miscarriage, and marriage issues particularly for couples with a spouse disability. Born to first-generation immigrants, growing up a military ‘brat’ while living in various places and a significant amount of time overseas, and add in changing careers mid-stride, taught me to adapt to different cultures, frequent changes, and a variety of environments. I specialize in couples/relationships, marriage and family with an emphasis on building healthy communication within the family.

My Work & Experience

I have mentored and counseled individuals from children and adolescents to adult women, couples, and families, but I have a deep heart for couples. Occasionally I work with individuals as well. I have worked with those that have had significant spiritual struggles. My personal spiritual history is Christian. If you are struggling with what you believe, or with being abused or judged unfairly by those that should have cared for you with a Christ-like love can leave deep, dark scars, affecting you for years. Let’s find healing and grace together, individually or as a couple.

Causes That Are Important To Us

The Exodus Road

The people working with The Exodus Road believe that the lives of the 27 million slaves matter! They’re goal? Rescue as many of them as possible. They employ volunteers all over the world who are trained to find, root out, and catch criminal human traffickers, and rescue their slaves. Many slaves are under the age of 18… many enslaved boys and girls are sex slaves.

These kids are forced to endure multiple “johns” per night who have who have paid to have their way with them. You can support the efforts of The Exodus Road, and maybe even become a part of their team. They need you. The lives of the trafficked, and their stories matter, and your story can be part of theirs.
www.theexodusroad.com

Restore Innocence

The Restore Innocence motto is, “Let’s build a world without human trafficking.” This small, Colorado-based organization makes a large dent against the world of human trafficking.

An estimated 100,000 to 300,000 children in the United States are at risk of capture into slavery. The passionate people at Restore Innocence aim to prevent their capture. But that’s not all. They also aim to rescue and restore minors who have been captured and used for horrible things, including forced sex. Their resources aide multiple rescues every year! Furthermore, they employ volunteers to work as mentors for those who have been rescued, and who are being restored. You can help them make a dent by giving through their site, or by becoming a trained volunteer! There’s inspiring and awesome – but difficult – work to be done! You can be part of that. They need you. The lives of the trafficked, and their stories matter, and your story can be part of theirs.
www.restoreinnocence.org

Spina Bifida Association Of America (SBAA)

Spina Bifida remains a leading crippler of children. Some do live past their first day, or week. Rick of Real Connections Counseling was born with the worst kind of Spina Bifida. Spina Bifida myelomeningocele. He could have died soon after birth. But, he lived. He was given smaller hope that he would ever walk. Doctors warned that he would never be rid of braces. When he shed his braces at 8 years old, doctors scratched their heads, and he and his parents never looked back.

Rick is a miracle story. He went on to play sports, trumpet, sing in choirs, and achieve a masters education, even though he suffered a Spina Bifida -related learning disability! He’s ridden a bicycle across Iowa, climbed mountains, and hiked many trails. He suffers crushing chronic pain, and has endured many surgeries. Yet he charges on. He and his bride, Monique (also of RCC) have by their lives, struggles and achievements, given hope to many who thought they could not achieve. They live beyond limits together, and exist to empower others, and their relationships, to do and be limitless. The SBAA does the same.

The SBAA has expended untold resources to the aid of people who have Spina Bifida. They also to search for cures, and new ways to provide aid through resources such as education and scholarships. The SBAA needs your support. They need you. The lives of people with Spina Bifida, and their stories matter, and your story can be part of theirs. And that can happen through this link:

www.spinabifidaassociation.org