Rick & Monique Are Your Counseling Team
Welcome! We are Real Connections Counseling, LLC. Our names are Rick & Monique Elgersma, and we are Couples and Family Therapists working primarily in the Greater Des Moines, IA area. Our practice is located smack in the heart of Urbandale, IA and we also have a branch in Winterset!
We focus our work for couples. We work through and past whatever hurts and harms your relationship such as transitions, trouble, anxiety, depression, anger, infidelity, infertility, loss, communication issues, and/or confusion. We also help couples to start their relationship off right with a solid marriage prep program! Our work is to help clients give themselves their best opportunity to grow their lives into something amazing, beautiful, and flourishing. Make your best relationship happen here!
PLEASE NOTE that we do not take insurance. But we do accept various modes of payment including your HSA and FSA, cash, check, and all credit cards. More details below!
We Love Our Work – Co-Counseling!
Our life as counseling partners is also our life’s work. We bring our own unique personalities and approaches to counseling that actually becomes a unique asset to our couples and families.
However, the true GEM of Real Connections Counseling is that we work together as co-counselors with you, and the results have been significantly successful! We are Rick & Monique and we are a married couple that does couples counseling – together – with another couple.
Our couples have thoroughly enjoyed the experience of working with another couple who brings their own relationship right with them into the counseling room. We began our co-counseling model already in graduate school (Regis University), and just never stopped counseling together.
Read more about co-counseling and how having both of us with you during our time in counseling can help you! Co-Counseling
What Makes Real Connections Counseling Special?
Rick and Monique Elgersma
Co-counseling makes us unique and special anywhere in the state. However, we have also together experienced the darkest trials, from infertility to miscarriage, major depression, significant losses, deaths of people close to us, and a spouse’s disability.
My life as a husband and experience with Spina Bifida, an often deadly or crippling birth defect, has been one of both travesty and triumph that has me walking tall, but also while struggling daily with pain. Monique navigates multiple relational roles in our home, including spouse, mother, and caregiver to her husband. Some of you know what that’s like.
Monique’s childhood growing up in the military has provided a unique history of frequent moves, loss, varied cultures, and independence.
We practice our relationship daily. We’d like to claim that practice always goes well, but it doesn’t. So we’ve also used marriage therapy to help make us better too. That can happen to you, you can be better together! You can see how we can be a value to you as co-counselors.
Our Approach
We sometimes use differing approaches to counseling, but that doesn’t mean we’re out of sync. We plan our unique approaches into the session so you get the best of who we are as people, a couple, and your counselors. We do whatever is necessary together to help our couples feel heard, understood, respected, to achieve goals, and heal. Our focus of relational therapy does not differ. As a couple, and couples counselors, we counsel “relational living.”
Relational living is recognizing that people exist better, and more healthful, of part of relationships. We recognize that all people desire good relationships in many environments: from church committees, to community involvement, work situations, and life at home. When you give dedicated attention to healthy relationships, you make your surrounding environment better, too.
Our work and background includes working with couples and families in mentoring and counseling, but we use a variety of impactful therapeutic models, such as Relational Life Therapy, Gottman, Narrative, CBT, Solution Focused, and conflict resolution techniques.
Education and counseling in session along with the opportunity to practice in a safe environment, tied together with homework, helps reinforce new skills and create long-term success.
Real Connections Counseling can also offer parenting classes, all-day seminars, topical groups, and marriage intensive retreats.
Our Heart Meets Your Story
Here’s a short story about us. When I (Rick) was recovering from one of fourteen difficult surgeries, I told Monique – while still using a walker – that I wanted to ride and finish RAGBRAI (Register’s Annual Bike Ride Across Iowa), a ride of seven days, and hundreds of miles, together with her … and the event was only months away. Impossible right?
We trained and practiced. I worked on healing and becoming an athlete. We worked out 5 days a week and rode our bikes several days of the week as well. One training ride took us to a long, stretching 3-mile hill. We pushed, huffing and puffing up the hill. But Monique stopped a little more than halfway up, completely worn, and dejected. Monique turned to me, downhearted and crying. I admit, I was feeling determined, but scared too. She told me emphatically, “We must be crazy, I don’t know if I can do it. You just go on up ahead.” Something triggered in me. A determination I hadn’t yet felt until then. I looked at her firmly and said, “Yes we can. We’ll make it. I’m with you. Together or not at all.” And that is how we rode. There’s no better inspiration than to be by the side of the one you love.
Our phrase, “together or not at all”, has become our life-motto, and it can also be yours. Takes some grit maybe. Wit and determination too.
We spurred each other on, and trained hard. One day we realized that we looked forward to the cycling event. I gained strength to walk and to ride! Here’s the point. Our very first training ride took us 3.4 miles. But on one of the seven days of RAGBRAI, the ride lasted 107.6 miles! Can you see what’s possible with your relationship if you’d only practice?
We had done it together. What’s possible for you? That question is answered through counseling, and counseling with the both of us!
Now you know our heart.
Call Or Write, Now!
Call us at 515-635-1805 to make your first appointment with us as your co-counselors! You can also fill out the email form through the website to ask them anything. Click on the yellow contact form on the main page, and we’ll respond as soon as we can.
You can also make an appointment from right where you are too. Click the little yellow calendar icon to the right of the screen and you’ll easily move through the process. There are two of us, so we can’t take insurance. However, we’ve set our session price at about where one counselor sets his/her price. That’s $155 per session, unless you pay cash. You get a $5 discount that way! You’ll have both perspectives, less bias, better creativity, and two people who have loved each other with all their hearts throughout their nearly 24 years of marriage. Sometimes our relationship has meant as much to the couple as our expertise! Our couples have not regretted their co-counseling experience.
We guarantee that the emotional and financial costs of a bad relationship and divorce are much, much higher.
We also guarantee is that counseling is a mutual opportunity for growth. We gain from you too! But counseling with us is and experience that you ultimately control throughout our time together. We’ll be their to guide you as you make you better. We look forward to meeting you!
What Clients Have Said About Us
#1: “The cards were fun! We’d hang out on our back deck gas fire pit after the kids went to bed, and talk. Our oldest said ‘mom these people you and dad are seeing must be doing something because you haven’t had a fight in a while….its been nice.’ It has been.” – D. B. –
#2: “Thank you for what you’re doing for my family. We can finally see who we can be for each other. This has been so great for us!” – Anonymous –
#3: “Everyone needs a Rick & Monique in their lives!” – Lisa & Derek –
Real Connections Counseling Counselors & Therapists
Rick Elgersma, MAMFT, M. Litt
Master of Letters, Family Life Education, Oxford Graduate School (2011)
Master of Arts, Marriage & Family Therapy, Regis University (2015)
- Registered as a Marriage and Family Therapist Candidate with the state of Colorado
- Registered Temporary License in Marriage and Family Therapy in the state of Iowa
- Internship Peak View Behavioral Health, inpatient facility (CO)
Professional Involvement
- Delta Kappa, Kappa Chapter – MFT Honor Society
- Chi Sigma Iota, Rho Upsilon Chi Chapter – Counseling Honor Society
- Former Board Member, Colorado Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (COAMFT)
- American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT)
- International Association of Trauma Professionals (IATP)
Honors
- Delta Kappa, Kappa Chapter – MFT Honor Society, April 2014
- Chi Sigma Iota, Rho Upsilon Chi Chapter – Counseling Honor Society, Feb 2015
- Leadership Award, 2012
Just Plain Tired
Sometimes life is not ok. Monique and I have been challenged by significant trauma, and it was exhausting. Tough things are almost always tiring, and can make you feel stuck, frustrated, angry, worried, sad, even despaired. Your marriage and relationship has been damaged, you guys have fought through depression, terrible loss, or infidelity and I’m so sorry you’ve been hit with such things. You may think there isn’t a way out. But that’s not true.
Healing takes hard work, but it can happen. But what does healing even look like? That’s an often a confusing question. But when it feels like your relationship has gone from bad to worse, and you don’t feel understood anymore, seeing a counselor may be the most important decision of your life. I want you to know you are not the problem, the problem is the problem. Doesn’t always feel like it, I know. But it’s a good place to start because behind problems are good people. I’m blessed to work with couples, and am honored to do this with my bride Monique in a our unique co-counseling system at Real Connections Counseling. I’m honored to get to be part of you for awhile. Know this. You’ve got this.
My Work & Experience
Along with the other therapy methods mentioned on our “Services” page I use narrative therapy with couples (and families), where we experience your relational story as it is and reimagine the potential of your story. I’ve also gained experience with couples and families while working at an an acute mental health hospital.
I’m a Christian. Both Monique and I are, and we love faith that convinces us of the truth of God and the joy of salvation. Some of you don’t share our faith, and that’s just fine. But others do. And when you have faith, doubt, belief, or grief questions, we’ll be right there with you as answers are sought and gained. My family has experienced faith-bending trauma and we coped together, and with individual uniqueness… and we’re stronger for it. I have a heart for those struggling with loss and depression, and will work with some individuals that find themselves needing someone to walk through those tough places.
Your relational health is my passion. Good relationships can emerge from rough situations. Counseling works. Monique and I have seen couple after couple emerge from our office in much better places. We know counseling works. In fact, counseling can save your relational lives. Come and see.
Monique Elgersma, MAMFT
Master of Arts, Marriage & Family Therapy
- Regis University, May 2015
- Registered Temporary License in Marriage and Family Therapy in the state of Iowa
- Internship at Fort Carson, Abrams Elementary (CO)
- Experience with Peak View Behavioral Health, inpatient facility (CO)
Professional Involvement
- President 2014-2016, Delta Kappa, Kappa Chapter – MFT Honor Society
- Board Member, Delta Kappa, Kappa Chapter – MFT Honor Society (2014-2017)
- Board Member, Chi Sigma Iota, Rho Upsilon Chi Chapter – Counseling Honor Society (2015-2017)
- Member 2013-2016, Colorado Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (COAMFT)
- Member 2013-current, American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT)
Honors
- Excellence in Leadership, May 2015
- Delta Kappa, Kappa Chapter – MFT Honor Society, April 2014
- Chi Sigma Iota, Rho Upsilon Chi Chapter – Counseling Honor Society, Feb 2015
- Leadership Award, 2012
Just Plain Stuck
If you feel like you are stuck in a cycle, especially in your couple relationship, let me help you break it and develop a closer, healthier connection! I have a background in military families, culture adaptation, anxiety, grief & loss, foster care, adoption, infertility, miscarriage, and marriage issues particularly for couples with a spouse disability. Born to first-generation immigrants, growing up a military ‘brat’ while living in various places and a significant amount of time overseas, and add in changing careers mid-stride, taught me to adapt to different cultures, frequent changes, and a variety of environments. I specialize in couples/relationships, marriage and family with an emphasis on building healthy communication within the family.
My Work & Experience
I have mentored and counseled individuals from children and adolescents to adult women, couples, and families, but I have a deep heart for couples. Occasionally I work with individuals as well. I have worked with those that have had significant spiritual struggles. My personal spiritual history is Christian. If you are struggling with what you believe, or with being abused or judged unfairly by those that should have cared for you with a Christ-like love can leave deep, dark scars, affecting you for years. Let’s find healing and grace together, individually or as a couple.
Causes That Are Important To Us
The Exodus Road
The people working with The Exodus Road believe that the lives of the 27 million slaves matter! They’re goal? Rescue as many of them as possible. They employ volunteers all over the world who are trained to find, root out, and catch criminal human traffickers, and rescue their slaves. Many slaves are under the age of 18… many enslaved boys and girls are sex slaves.
These kids are forced to endure multiple “johns” per night who have who have paid to have their way with them. You can support the efforts of The Exodus Road, and maybe even become a part of their team. They need you. The lives of the trafficked, and their stories matter, and your story can be part of theirs.
www.theexodusroad.com
Restore Innocence
The Restore Innocence motto is, “Let’s build a world without human trafficking.” This small, Colorado-based organization makes a large dent against the world of human trafficking.
An estimated 100,000 to 300,000 children in the United States are at risk of capture into slavery. The passionate people at Restore Innocence aim to prevent their capture. But that’s not all. They also aim to rescue and restore minors who have been captured and used for horrible things, including forced sex. Their resources aide multiple rescues every year! Furthermore, they employ volunteers to work as mentors for those who have been rescued, and who are being restored. You can help them make a dent by giving through their site, or by becoming a trained volunteer! There’s inspiring and awesome – but difficult – work to be done! You can be part of that. They need you. The lives of the trafficked, and their stories matter, and your story can be part of theirs.
www.restoreinnocence.org
Spina Bifida Association Of America (SBAA)
Spina Bifida remains a leading crippler of children. Some do live past their first day, or week. Rick of Real Connections Counseling was born with the worst kind of Spina Bifida. Spina Bifida myelomeningocele. He could have died soon after birth. But, he lived. He was given smaller hope that he would ever walk. Doctors warned that he would never be rid of braces. When he shed his braces at 8 years old, doctors scratched their heads, and he and his parents never looked back.
Rick is a miracle story. He went on to play sports, trumpet, sing in choirs, and achieve a masters education, even though he suffered a Spina Bifida -related learning disability! He’s ridden a bicycle across Iowa, climbed mountains, and hiked many trails. He suffers crushing chronic pain, and has endured many surgeries. Yet he charges on. He and his bride, Monique (also of RCC) have by their lives, struggles and achievements, given hope to many who thought they could not achieve. They live beyond limits together, and exist to empower others, and their relationships, to do and be limitless. The SBAA does the same.
The SBAA has expended untold resources to the aid of people who have Spina Bifida. They also to search for cures, and new ways to provide aid through resources such as education and scholarships. The SBAA needs your support. They need you. The lives of people with Spina Bifida, and their stories matter, and your story can be part of theirs. And that can happen through this link:
