About Us

Rick & Monique Are Your Counseling Team

Welcome! We are Real Connections Counseling, LLC. We are Couples and Family Therapists working primarily in the Greater Des Moines, IA area. Our practice is located smack in the heart of Urbandale, IA!

We focus our work for couples. We work through and past whatever hurts and harms your relationship such as transitions, trouble, anxiety, depression, anger, infidelity, infertility, loss, communication issues, and/or confusion. We also help couples to start their relationship off right with a solid marriage prep (premarital) program! Our work is to help clients give themselves their best opportunity to grow their lives into something amazing, beautiful, and flourishing. Make your best relationship happen here!

PLEASE NOTE that we do not take insurance. But we do accept various modes of payment including your HSA and FSA, cash, check, and all credit cards. More details below!

We Love Our Work – Co-Therapy!

Our life as counseling partners is also our life’s work. We bring our own unique personalities and approaches to counseling that actually becomes a unique asset to our couples and families.

However, the true GEM of Real Connections Counseling is that we work together as co-therapists with you, and the results have been significantly successful! We are trained therapists, AND a married couple that does couples counseling – together – with another couple.

Our couples have thoroughly enjoyed the experience of working with another couple who brings their own relationship right with them into the counseling room. We began our co-therapy model already in graduate school (Regis University), and just never stopped counseling together.

Read more about co-therapy and how having both of us with you during our time in counseling can help you! Co-Therapy

What Makes Real Connections Counseling Special?

Our Co-Therapy model already makes us unique and special anywhere in the state and most of the country. However, we also have had many experiences that help us be a solid place for couples to work through the tough stuff. Together we have walked through the darkest trials, from infertility to miscarriage, major depression, significant losses, deaths of people close to us, adoption struggles, and a spouse’s disability.

Rick’s life as a husband and experience with Spina Bifida, an often deadly or crippling birth defect, has been one of both travesty and triumph that has him walking tall, but also while struggling daily with pain. Monique navigates multiple relational roles in our home, including spouse, mother, and caregiver to her husband. Some of you know what that’s like.

Monique’s childhood growing up in the military has provided a unique history of frequent moves, loss, varied cultures, and independence. Her experience taught her how to quickly adapt to new situations and connect easily with many people, but also can result in loneliness. Some of you know what that’s like as well.

We practice our relationship daily. We’d like to claim that practice always goes well, but it doesn’t. So we’ve also used marriage therapy to help make us better too. You can be better together! Let us help you figure that out together. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it can make a beautiful relationship!

Our Approach

Sometimes we use differing approaches in the counseling room, but that doesn’t mean we’re out of sync. We plan our unique approaches into the session so you get the best of who we are as people, a couple, and your counselors. We do whatever is necessary together to help our couples feel heard, understood, respected, to achieve goals, and heal. Our focus of relational therapy does not differ. As a couple, and couples counselors, we counsel “relational living.”

Relational living is recognizing that people exist better, and more healthy, as part of relationships. We recognize that all people desire good relationships in many environments: from church committees, to community involvement, work situations, and life at home. When you give dedicated attention to healthy relationships, you make your surrounding environment better, too.

Our work and background includes working with couples and families in mentoring and counseling, but we use a variety of impactful therapeutic models, such as Relational Life Therapy, Gottman, Narrative, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Solution Focused, and conflict resolution techniques.

Education and counseling in session along with the opportunity to practice in a safe environment, tied together with homework that you can practice between sessions, helps reinforce new skills and create long-term success.

Real Connections Counseling also offers individual therapy, family therapy, half-day and all-day seminars, topical groups, and marriage intensives and retreats.

Our Heart Meets Your Story

Here’s a short story about us. When I (Rick) was recovering from one of fourteen difficult surgeries, I told Monique – while still using a walker – that I wanted to ride and finish RAGBRAI (Register’s Annual Bike Ride Across Iowa), a ride of seven days, and hundreds of miles, together with her … and the event was only months away. Impossible right?

We trained and practiced. I worked on healing and becoming an athlete. We worked out 5 days a week and rode our bikes several days of the week as well. One training ride took us to a long, stretching 3-mile hill. We pushed, huffing and puffing up the hill. But Monique stopped a little more than halfway up, completely worn, and dejected. Monique turned to me, downhearted and crying. I admit, I was feeling determined, but scared too. She told me emphatically, “We must be crazy, I don’t know if I can do it. You just go on up ahead.” Something triggered in me. A determination I hadn’t yet felt until then. I looked at her firmly and said, “Yes we can. We’ll make it. I’m with you. Together or not at all.” And that is how we rode. There’s no better inspiration than to be by the side of the one you love.

Our phrase, “together or not at all”, has become our life-motto, and it can also be yours. Takes some grit maybe. Wit and determination too.

We spurred each other on, and trained hard. One day we realized that we looked forward to the cycling event. I gained strength to walk and to ride! Here’s the point. Our very first training ride took us 3.4 miles. But on one of the seven days of RAGBRAI, the ride lasted 107.6 miles! Can you see what’s possible with your relationship if you’d only practice?

We had done it together. What’s possible for you? That question is answered through counseling, and counseling with the both of us!

Now you know our heart.

Call Or Write, Now!

Call us at 515-635-1805 to make your first co-therapy appointment with us! You can also fill out the email form through the website to ask us anything. Get in touch with Real Connections Counseling.

You can also make an appointment from right where you are too. Click the little yellow calendar icon to the right of the screen (or in the dropdown menu of a mobile device) and you’ll easily move through the process. Select the “Initial Session” option and you will pay for the first session upfront, but going forward you can get a cash discount for future sessions! Please note: Due to our Co-therapy model, we are “private pay” only and do not bill/take Insurance.

We guarantee that the emotional and financial costs of a bad relationship and divorce are much, much higher than the price of rebuilding or repairing your relationship through counseling, especially co-therapy! We also guarantee that counseling is a mutual opportunity for growth. We look forward to meeting you!

What Clients Have Said About Us

#1: “The cards were fun! We’d hang out on our back deck gas fire pit after the kids went to bed, and talk. Our oldest said ‘mom these people you and dad are seeing must be doing something because you haven’t had a fight in a while….its been nice.’ It has been.” – D. B. –

#2: “Thank you for what you’re doing for my family. We can finally see who we can be for each other. This has been so great for us!” – Anonymous –

#3: “Everyone needs a Rick & Monique in their lives!” – Lisa & Derek –

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Real Connections Counseling Counselors & Therapists

Rick Elgersma, MAMFT, M. Litt

Not Your Typical Therapist

Most therapists would use this section to go on at length about their training and experience. But I’m not your typical therapist.

Most of what we do at Real Connections Counseling is co-therapy with couples, families, and individuals. Monique and I love going into the counseling experience together with you as a team!

But I also see individuals, just you and me and so I want to give you a picture of what that’s all about.

Whether from a team approach, or with a single counselor, we’re not typical, and you won’t have a typical counseling experience. We all have a little bit of this “aww yeah, I got this” badass strength in us, and you and I will find that person.

I do have a great counseling education from Oxford Graduate School, and Regis University. Both of my Masters degrees mean I know my stuff, but is that really what is important in counseling? A little, but not really.

My best asset in counseling is that I keep it real. I’ve got hundreds of tools in my tool box, and I’m using them for my own life, too. You and I, we do real life.

You, and me are human beings first. Just like you, I aspire to dreams and desires, and achieving personal goals. I and my family have not been immune to hardship. Not at all.

What is FAR MORE IMPORTANT than my education? Highs and lows of life constantly inspire me to explore what is possible for me. I hope that through the counseling experience you’ll explore what’s possible for you.

You and I will at times tap into my own personal experiences if it will help you explore your path more fully, but explore we will!

Know this, we’re not your typical therapists at Real Connections Counseling. This isn’t just a counseling room. This is life. We will not only join with you from a therapist-to-client perspective, but from a human-to-human connection.

And now, I am almost positive that you would rather know more about what your experience could be, and your potential!

Here are just a few of the things you’ll gain from working with me:

• Simple strategies for managing and reducing stress and anxiety
• Greater sense of self-awareness
• Healing from depression
• Releasing negative feelings and beliefs that keep you stuck
• Reducing or eliminating troubling symptoms
• Practices for building better relationships
• Increased confidence
• Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

A Point of Note … DISCRIMINATION
I have a disability, and while I strive every day to accomplish life in ways no one thought I could, such as RAGBRAI, mountain climbing and more, I have experienced heartbreaking and embarrassing discrimination. No matter how much I accomplish, discrimination can wreck my psyche, and I know it can do the same to you. While my discrimination may not be the same as yours, I still know the haunting pain of it, and can help you build strategies that create resilience.

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Monique Elgersma, MAMFT

Just Plain Stuck

Stuck in a rough cycle, especially in your couple relationship? Together as a counseling team, I will help you break the negative cycle so you can develop a closer, healthier connection!

I’m Monique Elgersma, a first-generation immigrant. But my dad began a long and honorable career in the American military and as a military kid I lived in various places and cultures. Add in changing careers at mid-life, I have frequently adapted to different cultures and environments, and consistent change. I learned the self-motivation it takes to embrace new situations. You can learn that too.

I specialize in couples and relationships. Relationships are truly my heart.

I’ve worked closely with military families, culture adaptation, anxiety, grief & loss, foster care, adoption, infertility, miscarriage, and various marriage and relationship issues, perhaps particularly for couples with a spouse or partner disability.

If you have significant anxiety, heartache, worry, a tough background, or significant spiritual struggles, you can work that out at Real Connections Counseling, too.

But specialty is only one part of this. I love my work because I get to do this with you all.

Rick echoed in his bio what I believe, too. I’m excited to go through this very human experience with you. When you and I go home, we’re both working life out in the way we need to.

This is much more than just being in counseling. This is working life out as compassionately as we can. That I get to do this with you is such a privilege for me.

Yes, you will find yourselves experiencing greater awareness, rewarding self-discovery, and self-compassion. You will feel heard, understood, and respected. But you’ll be a better version of you, and the world will be greater because you are.

My Faith

Lastly, many of you are experiencing difficult spiritual struggles. My personal spiritual history is Christian. But faith isn’t easy. If you are struggling with what you believe, or with being abused or judged unfairly by those that should have cared for you with a Christ-like love, you most likely have deep, dark and lasting scars. Many of you want to hide from these types of problems. At Real Connections Counseling, you won’t have to. Everyone needs a safe place to land, even if only for awhile.
It’s my honor if I can be that for you.

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Cora Drew, LAMFT, LADC

Cora Drew is an IA state Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Alcohol & Drug Counselor. She provides counseling services to individuals, couples, and families in an inclusive environment. It is her passion to increase clarity, instill hope, and provide compassionate and clinical guidance to all types of mental health and substance abuse concerns. She incorporates education, mindfulness, nutrition, and several therapeutic models (ACT, CBT, EMDR, …) to create a collaborative approach to increasing her clients overall well-being.

Cora has her Master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy and has been in a therapist role since 2013. She also has a history of US military service in Emergency Management. She has worked in a variety of therapeutic settings including intensive in-home, school-based counseling, outpatient substance abuse addiction treatment, medication-assisted opioid treatment, community mental health, and other clinical settings. Cora also has a passion for psychosis family education.

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Causes That Are Important To Us

The Exodus Road

The people working with The Exodus Road believe that the lives of the 27 million slaves matter! They’re goal? Rescue as many of them as possible. They employ volunteers all over the world who are trained to find, root out, and catch criminal human traffickers, and rescue their slaves. Many slaves are under the age of 18… many enslaved boys and girls are sex slaves.

These kids are forced to endure multiple “johns” per night who have who have paid to have their way with them. You can support the efforts of The Exodus Road, and maybe even become a part of their team. They need you. The lives of the trafficked, and their stories matter, and your story can be part of theirs.
www.theexodusroad.com

Restore Innocence

The Restore Innocence motto is, “Let’s build a world without human trafficking.” This small, Colorado-based organization makes a large dent against the world of human trafficking.

An estimated 100,000 to 300,000 children in the United States are at risk of capture into slavery. The passionate people at Restore Innocence aim to prevent their capture. But that’s not all. They also aim to rescue and restore minors who have been captured and used for horrible things, including forced sex. Their resources aide multiple rescues every year! Furthermore, they employ volunteers to work as mentors for those who have been rescued, and who are being restored. You can help them make a dent by giving through their site, or by becoming a trained volunteer! There’s inspiring and awesome – but difficult – work to be done! You can be part of that. They need you. The lives of the trafficked, and their stories matter, and your story can be part of theirs.
www.restoreinnocence.org

Spina Bifida Association Of America (SBAA)

Spina Bifida remains a leading crippler of children. Some do live past their first day, or week. Rick of Real Connections Counseling was born with the worst kind of Spina Bifida. Spina Bifida myelomeningocele. He could have died soon after birth. But, he lived. He was given smaller hope that he would ever walk. Doctors warned that he would never be rid of braces. When he shed his braces at 8 years old, doctors scratched their heads, and he and his parents never looked back.

Rick is a miracle story. He went on to play sports, trumpet, sing in choirs, and achieve a masters education, even though he suffered a Spina Bifida -related learning disability! He’s ridden a bicycle across Iowa, climbed mountains, and hiked many trails. He suffers crushing chronic pain, and has endured many surgeries. Yet he charges on. He and his bride, Monique (also of RCC) have by their lives, struggles and achievements, given hope to many who thought they could not achieve. They live beyond limits together, and exist to empower others, and their relationships, to do and be limitless. The SBAA does the same.

The SBAA has expended untold resources to the aid of people who have Spina Bifida. They also to search for cures, and new ways to provide aid through resources such as education and scholarships. The SBAA needs your support. They need you. The lives of people with Spina Bifida, and their stories matter, and your story can be part of theirs. And that can happen through this link:

www.spinabifidaassociation.org