What Do I Do With My Arsenal?
We like to feel strong, especially once we feel exposed. The arsenal waits right at arm’s length, and a quick draw can make us feel like we know how to win the duel, gain the advantage, and keep ourse...
Love does not survive as a transaction. Conflict often turns affection into a form of currency. One person begins to withhold, and the other begins to measure. “I’ll love you when you listen.” “I’ll stay gentle when you change.” Each phrase adds a condition that weakens the foundation.
When affection depends on performance, love begins to fade. A fragile love clings to circumstance, not commitment. When the condition breaks, the bond breaks with it.
Love itself is not entirely “unconditional” as we often like to muse. “Unconditional” provides warm fuzzies but aren’t marriage vows in themselves a condition? “I will love you through good and bad, sickness and health …” and so on. I condition myself to love you and not hitch love on whether or not you are perfect, or whether our situation is perfect or not.
Love does not remove boundaries or silence accountability. But our boundaries should not be to hitch love on any particular situation because if the situation goes bad, then love goes bad. But when I do not condition my love on a particular situation, the situation can go bad and my love won’t, thereby keeping our vows secure.
Choose love through tension, pain, and misunderstanding. Love holds its posture when anger rises and words fail. Love chooses to protect rather than punish.
Conflict exposes the strength of affection. Faithful love grows stronger through friction when I condition my love upon my vow, rather than the situation. Can you and your partner look at each other and say, “let’s not hang our love hat on a situation?” Refuse to hinge love on behavior, mood, or outcome and you will succeed.
